Tuesday, March 22, 2011


A depressed or sunken place or part; an area lower than the surrounding surface.  
sadness; gloom; dejection.

I don't think there is one of us humans alive that hasn't been depressed at one time or the other. Its something we all go through. I've struggled a LOT with depression pretty much all my life. It was, and still tries to be a lot of my mindset. Many times there was absolutely nothing to be depressed about, but I would be depressed anyway.

It was really crazy. I mean, Christians aren't supposed to get depressed, right? They have a goal and purpose for life. And they don't have to feel lonely because they have Him with them all the time, and that's all they need. Right?...RIGHT?!?!

However, even with that mindset, I would get depressed. And I think Satan used it as a tool against me. I'm not saying that all those who get depressed are being used by Satan. I'm saying he used it on ME.

Finally, I started realizing what a crutch it was to me. I would get home from work and just SIT there till bedtime, thinking how horrible life was. Or when I would work around the house I just didn't feel like there was any reason for it. It was so monotonous...
I've never really grew up with a certain 'close' friend like my sisters had, so I would undermined the friends I did have, thinking that because I didn't have a 'close, sisterlike' friendship with one certain girl, like my sisters had, that I didn't have any friends. Always wondering why I had to be made with the personality that I had. My siblings had to put up with me. And I'm sure I hurt them! They would want to do something fun and I was so selfish because I 'felt depressed' that I wanted 'me' time. And, I started to get this lingering fear in my heart. I can't explain it, I just had a fear. Or maybe it'd be a more accurate to say a dread of life.

I'm not saying that I didn't have good deep communion with God at this time. After getting saved I had a deep peace and joy from knowing Him. But Satan finds ways to try to drive a wedge between us and our creator! He knew that if he could get me depressed than I wouldn't feel like putting my whole heart into serving the Lord like I should. There was a deep joy in my life, but it would be clouded over with a deep dark cloud of something else...

It was in this communication the God over a period of a few days that the Holy Spirit started to reveal to me that with allowing the indulgence of having my 'Let me just be depressed' times, it was becoming more and more of a mindset, and a wedge between us. What started out as a few pondering moments started to become a habit and mindset that was keeping me from seeing some of the promises of God, and the HOPE that is there!

It just hit me a couple days ago how much He has helped me make a complete turn around! Before there was the occasion when I would feel excited about life. Now its more like the occasion when I'm depressed. I still do get depressed at times (Who doesn't?) but with me learning to daily ,moment by moment focus on putting my trust in the Lord and then leaving it there (Instead of trusting the Lord, but still thinking about lifes battles) I think my mind has been trained more into seeing the good and excitement of life!

Training my mind moment by moment to look at the good of things took a lot of effort for me. I had to concentrate on praying and asking God to help me see the good, and learn from the bad, and not allowing my family to have to see my depressed times, and making myself be happy for them. But, with the Lords help I can look back and be amazed on the difference there is from just a little over a year ago!

Having the Holy Spirit live inside me is SUCH a blessing! Little did I realize at the time that there even was a wedge, and I'm so glad that He brought it to my attention before it became something big.

I know this is like a totally boring post, but for me it is so encouraging to see how He completely changed my whole mindset from what it was a couple years ago! And my cup is so completely overflowing with not only joy, but an excitement to live this life that He has given us :D

I am so glad that I have a companion to helps me see the weeds and traps in the road as I continue on this journey of life with Him <3

No comments:

Post a Comment